Written by Kim Bausinger, LeadHer Local Carthage, MO Coordinator.
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Peaches, pumpkin, apple pie…if you’re not ready holler I!! How many games of hide and seek from your childhood started with these words? There were a lot in mine. Searching for the right hiding place, then the anticipation. Hiding there in the dark waiting. Waiting to be found out, for the flashlight to expose you in your dark corner.
Well, I am a grown-up now. And my hide and seek has taken a turn. I spend quite a lot of time in my life hiding. Hiding from society and what it says I should be, which is usually more quality and a lot less quantity. My measures that are too much or not enough. Hiding from God, whom I give the “Kim is not good enough” voice of disapproval.
Psalms 139 says, “Search me oh God, and know my heart.” But do I really want him to search? I think about Eve in the Garden of Eden, hiding from God, and the knowledge that she had disobeyed. I look at her consequences, and am afraid mine will be worse. That my sins are greater, and the punishment will be too. Its too much to bear, and I continue with the hiding. Afraid and raw, disappointed in myself, and I have that 2 way condemning conversation in my head between me and God. I do not want Him to search, I do not want Him to find, I do not want to let Him down again. Kim and her issues have struck again.
But I need to go back a few verses, and I need to read it, and read it again, until I believe it. Verse 17 states, “How precious are your thoughts about me, Oh God. They can not be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand!” Do you know how many grains of sand are in a handful? And do you realize how many handfuls there are in a sandbox or a beach, let alone the universe? We are precious to our God, each one of us, and he loves us beyond anything we can comprehend. Completely, without exception! Believe it.
Steffany Gretzinger’s song, Come Out of Hiding says “I’ll be the lighthouse when you’re lost at sea, And I will illuminate everything. No need to be frightened by intimacy, Just throw off your fear and come running to me.” So for today I will step into the light, spread my arms and turn my face to the sun. He knows it all anyway. Time to get over the fear, and let Him teach me, mold me, and remind me of what He wants from my heart!