But God, I am Scared by Vanessa M Wohl
Reluctance is something I am sure we all experience as sometime in our lives. I know I have. If reluctancy is being unwilling to do something, or experiencing doubt, does that mean I am not following God? I don’t believe the question is about whether I want to follow what God asks of me, sometimes I feel the question is whether I trust God and rest in the fact He knows me better than I know myself.
Sometimes stepping out in faith is hard. Sometimes when He is calling me out to deeper waters, I focus more on the fact I can’t swim very well than the fact He walks on water. I have to remind myself that He knows my past, present, and my future.
This was so evident when I felt it was time to leave full time paid employment and answer the call of God to volunteer at the LeadHer National headquarters office. I knew what God placed in my heart. My husband knew what God placed in his heart as well. Even my children knew what God had shown them. I was afraid though.
I was afraid of leaving the security blanket I had wrapped around my life. I was comfortable. I knew I had a voice, and I absolutely love to teach the Word of God and about His unconditional and irrevocable love. To step out in faith away from my security blanket and use the gifts and talents God gave me all the time, scared me. I was reluctant.
I had to find out why I was reluctant though. Moses was reluctant because of a stuttering problem. Jeremiah was resistant because of his age. The Israelites were afraid to take the promise land because of the giants in the land. So, why was I reluctant?
I was reluctant the same reason Moses, Jeremiah, and the Israelites were. I was focused on myself and my abilities. I was not resting in the fact and truth that God said to do leave my comfortable place and follow Him. Even though I knew in my heart, soul, and spirit that He called me to work at the LeadHer office, and I was excited and overwhelmed with joy, I still focused on my own abilities, and did not rest in His truth.
I can undoubtedly and wholeheartedly say that I know following His calling on my life has been rewarding. I have daughters who know that their voice matters. I have sons who seek God more than they did before. My husband and I have watched God move in ways that just fill us with joy beyond measure. God has truly blessed my submission to His call, even thru my reluctance and fear.
We all struggle at times to answer when God calls. My encouragement to each of you would be to listen to His calling. Rest in the truth that He knows the future, and the future is in His hands. Lastly, remember what Christie Love said, “If He calls you, He will go with you.”